I'm "backing into" this post because of something that happened last Sunday. But more on that later.
To observe that America is fascinated, even captivated, by sex requires no special insight, instrument, or skill, merely eyes to see and ears to hear. Our media is saturated with it; our culture obsessed by it. Soft porn is as ubiquitous as buying a hamburger. (All the links in this post are "safe", by the way. If that "disappoints" you, you've proven my point!) Fornication and adultery, once viewed as limits few would cross, have become peculiar "norms" for our time. Giving condoms to kids in school doesn't encourage more sexual activity, "experts" tell us. (Just like parachutes don't encourage jumping off buildings!) Chaste thoughts and unblemished virtue are about as rare as open prayer in public schools, it seems.
Men with prurient ambitions used to frequent "red light" districts, where women of similar moral fiber plied their trade. Where are these districts now? Potentially anywhere. Today's "smart" phone can summon erstwhile "lovers" and anonymous "one-night-stands" to any doorstep, dorm or desk top. I imagine there's more sexual imagery available now for free (not counting social and spiritual costs) than could be viewed in a thousand lifetimes. You've seen some of it. So have I. So have my children. Apps I wouldn't honor by mentioning here enable curious fifth-graders, desperate housewives and degenerate grandparents to "hook up" whenever, wherever, however, with whomever. Casual sexual relations among mere acquaintances is apparently so commonplace now that an app has been created to walk potential "hookups" through the "politically correct" pitfalls of sobriety and informed consent, hopefully to minimize future allegations of rape.
Really? Is this insanity? Or just the "natural man" trying to negotiate his way around sin?
[Update: Apparently Apple found this app to be so inappropriate, it pulled it from the Apple Store, leading to its demise. So "the end" is a little less nearer!]
Recent headlines prompting this post disturbed me. I was appalled that publicly-funded universities now offer courses like these because younger adults want to attend them and older adults want to teach them. Even more astonishing is the fact that anyone would be so foolish as to pay for them, even finance them, with student loans! Or that our society would subsidize them. Or allow them.
What was once unthinkable to any decent person -- and done, if at all, only in the dark, by a few -- is now openly celebrated, marketed, and paraded with pride.
Man! I must be getting really old.
My youth spanned the 60s, 70s and 80s: an era of Playboy Bunnies and Roger Moore as "007" that practically bubbled with sexual effervescence and moral decadence. Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In was the most popular TV show in that year when men first walked on the moon. That show crystalized, maybe even created, the American cultural milieu, with go-go dancers, silly jokes, political satire and almost-raunchy sexual double-entendres. Back then, no television had more than 13 channels -- and only three or four had programming! So when we watched TV, we watched as a nation. Americans were manipulated by the public media then just as much as they are today, for good and ill.
I wanted my children to have a different upbringing than I had. So my wife and I got rid of most mass media...and homeschooled. Our children now occupy their time mostly with football and soccer, water polo and volleyball, choir and piano, chores, homework and family scripture study. We usually start and end each day with family prayer. We also pair up our children with others whose families share our social and moral values.
But how much longer can we keep this up? Sooner or later, our children will discover -- and be immersed in -- the "real" world.
My wife and I are trying to prepare them.
We've endeavored to give them a healthy (if not "understated") understanding and expectation of sex long before they have begun to feel those intense "feelings" associated with it -- that they may be better equipped to handle those feelings what they "arrive". I don't want them to "fixate" on sex. So far, they haven't. But I also want them to expect to feel those feelings and to prepare for the day when they can act on them...hopefully only in marriage.
"Dating" -- not "hooking up" -- was still the norm when I was a kid. People groped in the dark, but there was still affection. Popular music in my youth was often salacious, but at least it conveyed a sense of continuing commitment and attachment: "I'll love you forever" the songs would say. Many of today's tunes bypass anything resembling true love. The "racy" songs of my youth were almost puritanical, by comparison. Many modern lyrics are unfit to print. They depict behavior so vile and vulgar -- so pornographic, so animalistic, so extreme -- as to shock the conscience of any virtuous soul. Every sexual deviancy, including forceable rape, is now lauded in lyrics our children listen to. These lyrics are now played at public middle school dances chaperoned by teachers, promoted by unwitting administrators, and played by all-too-well-knowing DJs and students. Is this a good thing?
My wife took my older children to LDS "Standards Night" last Sunday. I was dismayed and, frankly, disgusted to learn that she had to explain to them afterward what oral sex was...after the bishop brought it up!
Are you kidding me?!
In his defense, I'm sure the bishop didn't want to discuss this topic. But, apparently everybody's viewing pornography nowadays. He no longer asks the youth coming to his office if they've seen pornography, but when was the last time. (I'm not even sure this is an appropriate question to ask! Why risk giving kids ideas? I guess I'm asking too much. Surely it's impossible to escape this world without being exposed to some form of pornography.)
Even so, some youths are apparently telling the bishop that "oral" is "moral".
Okay?! And these are Mormon kids?!
My wife and I have carefully protected our children from the psycho-sexual abuse and perversion permeating our society by cutting off all unfiltered media. (Maybe we should have "cut off the Church" too!) We didn't watch cable TV, satellite TV, or even Netflix -- because we found the content to be largely vulgar and saturated with gratuitous sensuality. We homeschooled our children and surrounded them with people who (hopefully) shared our values.
We are definitely pleased with how they are turning out. They look away from the scantily clad and turn off shows with "racy" content -- without being asked. They don't listen to vulgar music; they dress modestly; and act appropriately.
But are we able to protect them perfectly from the flood of sexual perversion engulfing our society? No. Our children are human. Last summer some of them googled "nasty" words they'd heard. They saw things no one should ever see. My children broke our rules. But they also repented of what they did and, as far as I know, they have never repeated it.
Even so, I never thought my children would learn about oral sex at church!
Yes, I know it's "out there". Yes, I know our children can (and will) be exposed to it. Yes, we have talked to them about these things. But we haven't told them everything. (We haven't discussed which body parts some people stick into who knows where! Is that really necessary?) Isn't just being "modest" and keeping your "private parts" covered and avoiding "sexual stimulation until you're married" sufficient guidance to give? If you've built and defended the fence well away from the edge of the cliff, is it really necessary to talk about all the nooks and crannies, bushes, vines and hand-holds scattered across its face? Why even look over the edge to the filthy waters below? Doesn't doing that just invite the impulse to jump?
Will,
ReplyDeleteSorry to mention this. Friend of ours daughter was giving oral sex to boys in the restroom at church during early morning seminary. It definitely is affecting "good" mormon kids. But then, hey, the President of the United States was doing it in the Oval Office, so it must not be too bad!
Congratulations on home schooling your children. Tough job. Every child I see who is home schooled these days is far better off morally and in their educational level than their public school peers.
JRU
They also posses the social skills of a termite.
DeleteTo be quite frank, our children are well respected by their peers and elders. We've enrolled three of them in public school this year (just to give them a taste...hopefully not of the topic at hand!) and they are adored by their teachers and fellow students alike. Not the social "misfits" you imagine. Rather, they are "star" atheletes and "leaders" among their respective peers. (Unlike me, they're humble about it, too!)
DeleteI couldn't be happier that they are having the life I wish I had lived as a child. Forgive me (and I mean that sincerely) for being proud of them.
Termites are very social :) In my small community there are a few homeschooling families we've gotten to know. Their children are far less intimidated about talking to adults than the publicly schooled children in the area. They're far better educated, though admittedly the public schools around here aren't much to brag about. These children are noticeably more creative, independent, and willing to experiment than their publicly schooled peers. They are also, however, selective about how they spend their time, and their choice of people to socialize with reflects that. They don't spend much time with many of the publicly schooled kids, because they're not interested in the latest TV show, makeup techniques, someone's new clothes, telling dirty jokes, or creating obnoxious, anatomical noises. So there's little doubt the publicly schooled kids view these home schoolers as backward, because they simply don't relate.
DeleteI used to see the world as you do now.
ReplyDeleteTell me more.
DeleteOral is moral
ReplyDeleteYou would not believe the amount of success I get from those horrible hookup apps from ex mormon girls who looking to anger their parents. Seriously, tinder and okcupid are just ridiculous! Thanks to you and your repressive beliefs I have ex mormons blowing me on a semi regular basis.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a Mormon -- my wife and children are -- ut I can appreciate all the "action" you are getting with your apps.
DeleteHow "meaningful" will all that sex be when you're dead? Can you delight in the memories of past sexual experiences -- and be fully sated again thereby, just by thinking about them? Can you think of the most delicious meal you ever ate and be "fully satisfied", hungry no longer?
That's the difference between sex and love. Sex is appetite. It comes and goes. Love, however, endures. I can remember a loving moment, expression or act and be immediately "re-filled" thereby, as if I were living it again, in its fullness. In fact, even more so. Love can grow and deepen with time.
But what is sex? An itch? A scratch? An ejaculation? Euphoria, for sure! But what of that? Is it lasting?
No, it is not. Nor can the pleasure -- without the act -- be duplicated.
Unlike sex, love requires no "act" to be re-experienced in fullness. Its practice is its own eternal reward.
You are awe-inspiringly ignorant. Willingly ignorant. This was just a sad and pathetic piece to read.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I think you've misjudged my views and opinions. But I wish you well, nonetheless.
DeleteAnonymouses, honestly. Can we talk about this kind of stuff without the accusations and labels?
ReplyDeleteWill, there's more to this than you would ever guess. Here's a good place to start: http://mormonstories.org/lds-female-sexuality-with-dr-jennifer-finlayson-fife/
The way the LDS church teaches sexuality is just as damaging as the way the world abuses it. (No joke. Just read incognito's comment of December 6th. She is not alone in her difficulty. Huge books have been written to address the very issue she has. Thankfully, I didn't have that much of a hangup, but I must admit that both my husband and I have had serious misconceptions that have really made our relationship much harder.) We, as LDS-taught, have a long, long way to go. Getting a real education, from actual experts, is a good place to start.
Hopefully this doesn't scandalize you too much . . . :-)
And, as parents, we have a greater burden to teach our children in a healthy way, instead of passing onto them some (or all) of the fears and shame we were taught. Still trying to figure that one out . . .
What an incredibly close-minded way you demonize sex. I feel sorry for your kids. Hopefully none of them are homosexuals either, because coming out to some parents who's morals are trapped in the 1950s must be worse than running a barefoot marathon through broken glass and lemon juice.
ReplyDeleteDemonize sex? Hardly! I think sex is great! Wonderful! (I have seven kids, you know.) I think sex is one of the greatest gifts God has given to us in mortality. Indeed, where would we be without it?!
DeleteI just don't think children (or unmarried adults) ought to be engaging in sexual activity (with others) under any circumstances. Sex is intended primarily (biologically speaking) for procreation and family formation. The farther we depart from that ideal, the more society and individuals suffer.
That being said, have I practiced this ideal perfectly, to the fullest extent possible, throughout my life? Hardly.
I've also gotten a few speeding tickets. That doesn't mean I don't approve of speed laws.
Accusations draw accusers. The only winning move is not to play. Those who will not learn wisdom by precept shall learn it through suffering.
ReplyDeleteAccusations draw accusers, but not all who are drawn to a post with accusing comments are drawn by the accusation. :-)
ReplyDeleteSome few actually hope to offer further light and knowledge . . .
In relation to standards night, given that you were not there, you are either misinformed or being purposefully misleading. The comments you reference from the bishop were in a parents only meeting - not directly to the youth, as they (including your daughters) were in a separate meeting, where OS was not discussed.
ReplyDeleteI find it surprising that you question the appropriateness of a bishop asking youth “when was the last time they viewed pornography” when your own children, admittedly from this post, “saw things no one should ever see” despite the shelter you tried respectfully to provide. To me, this comes off like a cheap attempt to take a shot at your former bishop who may have a much better perspective on the matter than your own.
In the parents meeting the bishop encouraged those in attendance to read a talk by Elder Holland on the doctrine of the law of chastity called, “Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments.” In this talk, given at BYU in 1988, Elder Holland stated (more eloquently than I ever could),
“My topic is that of human intimacy, a topic as sacred as any I know and more sacred than anything I have ever addressed from this podium. If I am not careful and you are not supportive, this subject can slide quickly from the sacred into the merely sensational, and I would be devastated if that happened. It would be better not to address the topic at all than to damage it with casualness or carelessness. Indeed, it is against such casualness and carelessness that I wish to speak. So I ask for your faith and your prayers and your respect.”
Your treatment of this matter and in this format is casual, careless, and sensational, not to mention woefully ignorant. And to sensationalize standards night, a meeting uniformly held in the church to encourage youth towards higher standards, to drive traffic to your blog is pitiful and desperate.
Please see my response in a subsequent post.
DeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteI think you missed the point with your first sentence. It is not the Bishop's duty nor responsibility to inform not question the youth regarding these issues. The precepts of men have dictated the dialogue. It is the parent's responsibility and duty to inform, teach, call to repentance and forgive. This is not and never was supposed to be Big Brother in the form of a Bishop to take the place of the parents. Neither is this topic to be introduced by the church for controlling purposes. The bringing up of a child is indeed the parents responsibility. The Church has come in with their long fingers and supplanted the parent's responsibility.
Now I appreciate your fervant defense of Bishops and Stake Presidents and the Twelve. That is of course part of the delusion of the later days spoken by Paul. They mean well, I am sure, but are not in bounds within family affairs. Many a move in the name of meaning well, lacks order and does not follow the pattern set by the Lord. The Lord never set the Bishops up for the complex and non rewarding task set before them. The organization of the church is not in control but very much out of control. The Holy Ghost is missing from the members because they seek counsel and to be told what meanial and detailed practices to perform every step of the way; the same thing Joseph warned us to not do...i.e., seeking for answers from church leaders. If the Holy Ghost is taught and testified of to our youth, they would maybe avoid the things set there upon them. Repentance is upon us in the form of gaining knowledge. Seeking church leader approval does not give us this. The Holy Ghost is missing and I pray that the people of this church and country look to claim her.
I am amazed at the reaction to your post. It just goes to show how many of us live in that large and spacious building and don't know it. Your post inspired me to be even more aware of what my kids are watching and doing. Thank you!
ReplyDelete