A friend posted on Facebook a picture of a nearly-empty bottle of tequila with a full glass, with ice. Her picture was simply entitled “Goals”.
I see that you're hurting. (You joke about alcohol...and ended relationships.) I know what it's like to end the day -- or even begin it! -- with the thought of getting drunk and just sleeping it all away. I wish my pain could end that way too. It's tough to find "meaning" to it all.
And even if you do, it's tough to believe it. NOBODY enjoys passing through pain to get to the other side of joy. (That would make a good book title, by the way: The Other Side of Joy.) Especially when the "joy" seems so far away...and many years (and even MORE pain) have come and gone.
I'm in a LOT of pain myself. As you know, I'm losing my spouse, the love of my life. (I've loved and needed and wanted and craved and yearned for and longed after and worshipped this woman EVERY BIT AS MUCH as you've loved your husband...and I'm still losing her. In fact, she's walking away from me.)
You can console yourself in the knowledge that your husband didn't "leave" you. He was "taken". My love is leaving me. I am rent asunder. Wailing is a common sound in my lonely household now (all public appearances aside). WAILING. I die daily. Hourly. Every minute. My world is blasted and my soul is shattered.
Still, what can I do? I have to DIG DEEP to find the courage to go on! It won't be found in a bottle. (I know that much!) Or a joint. (As fun as that would be.) Or in indiscriminate sex. (Empty pleasure.)
We have a "calling". I'm convinced that in "keeping God's commandments" all our sobs shall be stifled and all our tears wiped away. Laughter and love will replace sorrow and heartbreak someday.
Jesus endured all these things. He said "Come, follow me." Then He walked through hell.
There must be something worthwhile on the other side. He came out of the tomb smiling.
Let's follow Him together, shall we?