All The Conveniences of Home

One wonders what modern housewives would have done back in the day when apostles like Heber C. Kimball, Brigham Young and the rest of the Quorum left their families for years on end to attend to the ministry.

Today's homemakers are encompassed by a cosmos of conveniences: clothes washers and driers, dish washers, water heaters and microwave ovens, refrigerators and freezers, mixers and blenders, toasters and can openers, steam cleaners and vacuum cleaners -- not to forget pre-packeaged meals, running water and in-home natural gas fuel. For entertainment and communication they have cable TV and telephone, Internet and cellphone, Facebook, MySpace, email and Twitter, Ebay and Craigslist, plus the "antiquated" technology of radio, CDs and DVDs. For groceries they've got Costco and Sam's Club, Albertson's and Stater Bro.'s, Fresh & Easy, WinCo, Walmart and Walgreens. And if they mow the lawn, fix the plumbing, or paint (like Lisa Macavinta and Stephanie Scoville) they've got The Home Depot and Lowes to go to.

The days of harnassing the horse and hitching the wagon are over. We don't even do diapers anymore. Today's "Polly Pioneer" sits in a cushy, air conditioned seat, sticks the little metal thingee into the little hole thingee, turns it slightly and away she goes! No more packing meals or getting filthy along the way. Clowns and royalty do all the cooking now. With a little supervision, most children can be taught to clean and tidy an entire house, more or less, before they're eight years old. And there's this thing called "automatic bill pay".

So what's a modern "Martha Stewart" to do?

A hundred years ago, when Sister Long-Suffering wanted a chicken dinner for her kids and kin, she first fetched the ax. Then she chased the hen around the pen, caught it, killed it...and perhaps chased it again. Once she got her "dinner" under control, she blanched and boiled it, plucked it, then baked, roasted or fried it in a wood-fired stove (with wood she first had to chop) that heated the house to the likes of Hades. If there were beans to eat, she picked then processed them. If potatoes were available, she skinned, boiled and mashed them. From the cow (if she had one) she squeezzed milk to churn butter. From the hive (a luxury) she fetched honey. For gravy she skimmed the drippings, but only after she harvested and ground the wheat to make the flour for the bisquets.

It took all day to make one dinner. Needless to say, Sister Long-Suffering didn't bother with the Atkins diet or going to the gym. Today she sends Brother Never-Does-Enough to fetch KFC and remarks, when he returns home, food in hand, in 15 minutes, "Well, that didn't take long!"

No, indeed, it didn't.

One wonders what Sister Long-Suffering would do if she were cast down to present-day Guatemala or back into the America frontier of yesteryear.

I imagine she'd die of exhaustion or starvation (rather than boredom and self-pity).