Tuesday, February 24, 2015

O God, the Internal Father

Now my battles are within.

I realize now — perhaps for the first time — that nothing I can do can ever “save” me. No amount of ordinances. No service. No sacrifice. No prayers or supplications. No words or secret handshakes. No works.

God saves us. He saves us. By His grace, His efforts, His sacrifice. It’s what He does.

All we do — all we can do — is ask and receive with gratitude, comply in faith, and respond with love. And even the power to do all that comes from Him.

Knowing God, we become loving, like Him. We cannot help it. If we do not love, we know not God. We only kid ourselves. 

How do I know?

I knew Him once — really, more than once! — and I tasted of His love. His manifest love was His gift to me. And I can never forget it! And I will always love Him for it!

Have you ever been in love? God’s love surpasses all that.

What can we do if we know not God, are not loving, and consequently have not been saved?

All we can do.

But we must realize — we have to realize — that, in the end, it depends on Him. He provides the healing, the light, the love, the resurrection. He is God, not we.

Those of us who have met Him — who have seen His light and heard His voice and felt His love — know what it means to be filled with light and love unto the consuming of our flesh. It is akin to walking on clouds, being in love, devoid of all ill-will, contention, displeasure or desire to commit sin of any kind. It is to be filled with light. It is euphoria and clarity and peace beyond comprehension — until one experiences it. And, even then, it remains unspeakable.

To be baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost is to know that God exists, to know the truth for one’s self. To know, not just “believe” anymore. It is to be “born again”. And one who has experienced this “mighty change of heart” knows, indeed, that a transformation has taken place — though he or she might find the whole thing utterly inexplicable, even incomprehensible.

It is the Spirit of God that does His mighty work, not the will or works of men. “God with Us” — God in Us, Emmanuel — is the Mighty One, the only one, who saves.

After all we can do.

I know now, better than ever, my own nothingness, my own powerlessness, my own inability to save myself. Like the man in the temple, beating his chest with regret, I say “Forgive me, Lord, for I am a sinner”. There are no works I can do or look to to comfort me, no “accomplishments” I can take pride in and say “See! That’s why He loves me! That’s why He saved me!”

If I am to be saved at all, it will be by His grace.

As Paul said, I glory in my weakness — not that I might continue in sin, but — that His strength might be made manifest to His glory.

All the glory by Thine, Lord. It certainly isn’t mine.

He must do His work. I can only invite. I can only clear out the refuse, the dreck, the scum, the clutter and distractions. I can repent. But even my “cleanest” isn’t His clean. My “holiest” isn’t His holy. Even in repentance I cannot lay claim to the promises…until He comes, until He grants me His Spirit, until He anoints me and purges me with fire. Until He seals me His.

Until then, I am lost. Without Him, I am lost.

I know this now.

I know He lives, because He has ministered to me before. But I turned away from following Him, from loving Him, unto idols.

I have cast my idols aside now, or rather, I have learned that in them there is no life. 

I turn back to God, knowing that all my battles, struggles, impediments and stumbling blocks are not without, but within.

I offer to Him now not just the cleanest hands I can muster, but a contrite heart as well.

5 comments:

  1. So wait, what were you doing before this?

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  2. I was laboring in the chains placed upon me by my "elders"; striving to satisfy the letter of the law handed down to me by my "prophets"; "earning" my salvation, etc.

    The yoke of bondage delivered to Israel by Moses in the form of carnal commandments was not given because the people were broken hearted and contrite; rather, they were disobedient, lustful and disbelieving, eager to be ruled rather than to repent, obey, be accountable, and come unto God for themselves.

    The Mormon Church now imposes its own hierarchy of leaders ("employers", as you've written, whereas all members are "employees") and carnal commandments, to replace the "good news" of the true gospel of Jesus Christ, which is that Christ saves us personally and we are to be "born again", bearing witness of God from personal experience. Rather, the Latter-day Saints now look to their own "Moses" to speak to and for God, while they wait below...and follow.

    But neither Moses...nor the current idol...can save. Only God. And He does so personally.

    What was I doing? I was laboring in sin and disbelief. I was trying to do what I was told to do...even if that tale does not reconcile with the examples given in the Book of Mormon or the teachings of Joseph Smith or even what Jesus taught.

    And I have been doing that for a lifetime.

    It takes time to divest one's self of old "habits", particularly those one believes to be "good" ones. (We never suspect our old "friends" to be our real "enemies".)

    But we push and pull and poke and plod and ponder -- and see what happens -- then do it again...and maybe do something else...until we find the way.

    "Ask and it shall be given.

    Seek and ye shall find.

    Knock and it shall be opened."

    I'm now asking and seeking and knocking in ways I haven't for a long, long time.

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  3. A really strange thing happened to me while reading your post. I had read only a few lines, when I realized that I was not only reading the words you placed at my disposal, I was feeling each of them with great personal expression.

    Every word you wrote was MY expression. Every capitalized word was MY emphasis. My heart quickened and my inner voice nearly shouted with delight as I read each sentence.

    I have never in my life read anything, especially the first time through, which felt like the writer and I were experiencing in tandem what the writer had written.

    As I read this post I experienced what you were experiencing -- and those were my very words you typed onto the screen.

    My eyes misted over as I read, because I felt it in my soul, with fire and exhilaration.

    I've read a few of your other posts; they were interesting. But THIS post I experienced while I read it.

    I cannot express my gratitude to you for writing this post; I haven't the proper vocabulary. I can merely say 'thank you' with my entire depth of gratitude.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda,

      We must be kindred spirits! Sometimes I labor for hours to write and that seldom, if ever, comes to much. Then at other times (like this one), I peck away for 10 or 15 minutes...and I say exactly what I need to say (and some apparently need to hear).

      Thank you for sharing my experience with me. You are my church and my fast and testimony meeting.

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  4. Will,
    Very well said. The Baptism of Fire and the Holy Ghost is but one layer. There is much more than what we have been taught. Your path is beautiful and holy. Stay on it, feast upon the words of Christ, having a love of God and of all men. The Holy Ghost will show you all things what ye should do.
    James Russell Uhl

    ReplyDelete