Now I have one wife and lots of kids.
And I just want peace and quiet.
Having lots of kids requires patience. My patience, like my money, disappeared once the kids showed up.
If I could get through just one day -- then maybe a week, and...wow! how about a month? -- without ever getting angry, I would be fit for heaven! That's one small step for Zion...one giant leap for Will kind!
Yesterday I found my youngins (again) jumping onto the (now not-so-new) leather recliner (again), knocking it back into the wall (again), tearing and scuffing it (again) while putting holes in the wall (again). To make matters worse, their action caused the chair to crimp and tear the (once new) $80 Macintosh computer cable that sat on the floor.
"How many times do I have to tell you?!" I yelled at them.
"What? This has happened before?" they seemed to say as they look at me with those wild, wide-open eyes. "You speak gibberish, old man!" they mutter to me in my mind. "You must be going mad!" they say. "We've never done this before!"
Oh. My. Goodness! (Where have you gone?!)
On the same day I asked my oldest son to help me support a board I was cutting for furniture I'm building. The board was carefully prepared, sanded, prepped, clamped and engineered to fine tolerances. It was too long to carefully cut and hold at the same time.
"I can't hold this board and cut it myself," I told him. "I need your help."
"Why don't you just use the dead-man?" (a roller-type support), he lectured me.
Clearly, he understood I was asking -- not for physical help but -- for supervision from this 11 year old!
"I tried that," I told him. "It doesn't work. I need you to hold the end of the board so it doesn't fall."
"What if you move the deadman further away?" he conjectured.
"Go ahead and try it," I said. (Ah, that was my mistake!)
I gave him the board to hold while I focused on cutting the other end. He promptly laid the board on the dead-man...and let go. The whole thing crashed to the ground!
I yelled "I said that doesn't work!"
We picked the board up, checked for damage, rechecked the clamps holding the guide bar in place and started cutting again.
To my astonishment, he let it go again and the whole thing promptly crashed to ground!
I flipped out!!
"Dang it! Never mind!" I yelled at him, walking off in a huff, ripping my hearing protectors from my head and throwing them across the garage. The one thing I absolutely didn't want to happen was the exact thing he let happen -- twice! I stormed upstairs and tried to collect and compose myself. I was filled with rage!
How does anyone do this?! How can anyone be such an idiot and/or not get as mad as I do about such things?
That was my yesterday. That is my today. That will be my tomorrow, for every day for me is like my yesterday. Frequently my children respond to our hour-long family scripture study sessions -- about loving one's neighbor, giving to them that ask, being submissive, going the second mile, obeying with exactness (like Ammon) -- by everybody just doing their own thing (same 'ol, same 'ol), leaving everything a mess, just "hanging out" in their own rooms (on their cell phones) and giving excuses rather than making progress!
I'm sick of it. I'm sick and tired of it. I'm sick and tired of being ignored, disobeyed, and disrespected.
Why would anyone ever want this?
Why would anyone ever want to be treated...like we treat God?
Lower your expectations until you have none.
ReplyDeleteExpect nothing but what you get.
The past doesn't matter (as far as justice and recriminations).
Take no thought for the morrow.
You can't always get what you want.
People are what they are, even your own children.
Think of them as the spoon. Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth - there is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
Ah, the philosophies of men! (I think there's even a scripture in there too!) Thanks, bro. ;o)
DeleteWell, imagine, if you will, that the only purposes you serve as a parent in this life is to give your children the necessities of life and to persuade them to repent and call upon God in their might until they shall have faith in Christ.
ReplyDeleteAnd further imagine that if they do it to resolve a conflict with you, that God will not receive them, for then they serve you and not him.
So, can you set expectations? Does the past matter? Can you guarantee you get what you want out of them? Can you change their nature? What is taking thought for the morrow if it isn't to have expectations? And so on and so forth.
It is a pretty problem, isn't it? How do you persuade someone to do something that they must choose freely, or else they cannot choose it at all? Obviously, there cannot be pressure from you or else the conflict they're resolving is your pressure. So what do you do?
And further suppose that they cannot understand your words. Suppose they do not know what faith is, and suppose they only believe you because of your example. They do not know what you know and you cannot bridge that gap with mere words. Indeed, when you speak, you think you're saying one thing, but they understand something totally different.
So... yeah. That's the problem.
What was it in your interaction with your son that gave him cause to seek an alternative course of action than that which you asked of him? What conflict was he resolving, truly? Why didn't he want to do what you asked him to? Why did you explode? Where was the pressuring coming from? How do you respond to pressuring? How do others?
Lots of interesting things to consider. How do you wield noncompulsory power over people - where you cannot pressure nor punish beyond permitting natural consequences to be felt? How do you guide a herd of cats?
I like your questions. At the risk of inducing you to recite "vain repetitions," how about giving me some more answers?! :o)
DeleteLower your expectations until you have none.
ReplyDeleteExpect nothing but what you get.
The past doesn't matter (as far as justice and recriminations).
Take no thought for the morrow.
You can't always get what you want.
People are what they are, even your own children.
Think of them as the spoon. Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth - there is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
Remember - that only is your own which obeys your voice. If it takes more than your voice alone, then it isn't yours. The only power that can endure is when people willingly and freely obey your voice because they want to, because they know you will not abuse them, and your judgement has been proven sound. Therefore what manner of man - leader - teacher - servant - father - God - had ye ought to be?
ReplyDelete46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.
Oh my goodness! Log answers some of the questions that are consuming my soul. May God grant me the courage and strength to follow wise counsel.
ReplyDeleteWill, if it's any comfort (and it probably isn't), your children are about the same as mine.
ReplyDeleteLog,
ReplyDelete"I teach them the truth and they govern themselves".
The only power that endures is when people willingly and freely obey your voice because they want to, because they know you will not abuse them, and your judgment has been proven sound (and they know you love them).
Therefore, what manner of man-leader-teacher-servant-father-God-had ye ought to be?
There you go again, teaching the Golden Rule.
James Russell Uhl