Going Dark

For 5-1/2 years (as of today) I've maintained this blog. It has been my "soap box", used to proclaim those "important" truths I've thought the world should know.

I've learned the world is not all that important. Coming unto Christ is. If my thoughts, words and works prevent me -- or anyone else -- from coming unto Christ, I need to stop (whatever I'm doing) and do something else. 

I have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for almost four decades. I have a beautiful, faithful wife, seven attractive, talented, spiritual children (they really do take after their mother!) and a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

To sum it up, I've really do "have it all".

More than that, my cup overfloweth! I'm lucky enough to have had experiences with Deity by which I have learned that Joseph Smith fulfilled a prophetic role and that the Book of Mormon is absolutely true. In fact, I am assured it is "the most correct of any book on earth" to bring us "closer to God", if its principles are applied. 

How close? That's what I'm aiming to find out. 

I'm willing to do anything God asks of me in order to come unto Him. I offer to make any sacrifice He requires and obey any commandment He gives me. (If that frightens you, take it up with Abraham! It kinda frightens me, too!) 

I imagine it was an easy thing for Abraham to say "I'll do anything you ask, Lord"...until he heard what God wanted him to do.

I know the Lord cannot lead me astray. He is a God of truth and right and there is no darkness in Him. He does not lie. He keeps His promises. I want to see what promises I can obtain from Him. I want to see what promises He will ask me to keep in return.  

Everything. (Wrap your mind around that.)

"Let us here observe, that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation." (Joseph Smith, Lectures on Faith.)

I want to remain a member of the LDS Church. I would have remained a member all my life. I thought I was contributing to the building up of the kingdom of God on earth and the establishment of Zion. (I know my wife and children certainly are!)

I have a chance -- one chance -- to get this right. If my appeal to the First Presidency of the Church is successful, I will be "restored" to "full fellowship" with the saints and thereby be able to join with my family in the temple, baptize my four youngest children, ordain my sons to the priesthood, and stand as a reflector of God's light to the world, upholding the values and mission of the Church I have loved and served for most of my life. 

In the end, my goal is to follow Christ. I believe I can best do that as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints -- not as an emissary for His Church, but as a servant of the Lord Himself. 

If this blog -- and all that it contains, in the viewpoint of the presiding leaders of the Church -- detracts from that effort, then I wish to take it down. I am going to take it down, preemptively, to show my sincerity. Zion is of "one heart" and "one mind". Unless and until I am forced to do otherwise, I will join with the chorus of saints in striving to "sing" with one "voice". 

In turning this blog off, I do not repudiate anything I've written here (unless I already have!) for I have only told the truth as I understand it. Others have said it much better that I have, anyway. I've said my piece and that is enough. I've made some big "sacrifices" in doing so.

Now I'm making another sacrifice, in the interest of reconciliation, social harmony and good will. 

I can still answer all of the temple recommend interview questions appropriately. Given the chance to do so (again), I will support and sustain the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I do not wish to do anything to "move them out of their place" or to detract from their efforts to bring all mankind unto Christ. I appreciate them, pray for them, and wish them success in their efforts. 

If you hear from me again on this blog, it will be because I have "failed" to make that reconciliation. It will mean that I have not been deemed "worthy" or "valuable" enough by LDS Church leaders for them to keep me in the fold. It will mean that the Lord's kingdom is not yet of this world (for me, at least). 

I hope I'm wrong and that they are right.

I hope you never hear from me again.

***** 

I was going to post that under the title "Going Dark" and close this blog today.

Then I went back and re-read everything I have written since May, 2013. 

It's not perfect. It's not even "good". But it's true.

My wife sang in a Church play Saturday night. (She looks and sounds like an angel.) Those who were in attendance got to hear her (and 11 other women) sing about 10 virgins -- 5 foolish, 5 wise. My wife was one of the "foolish" ones. Her sin, according to the play, was that she spent all of her time doing necessary chores for others, cleaning this and washing that. (As a mother of 7, she knows that role pretty well!) In the play, she never meets the Bridegroom. She never makes it to heaven. She is condemned. (More about that in another post!)

But before that "condemnation" occurred on stage, the audience was "condemned" to endure 20 minutes of the presiding high priest extolling the virtues and honors of men! He praised this person and congratulated that person -- after the previous "speaker" had already spent nearly half an hour doing the same! Virtually everyone associated with this play was praised for their "good work". Thus, those who came to see and hear a one-hour play about Christ got to experience a two-hour play, much of it devoted to praising men (and, in this case, women). Christ, somehow, got "lost" in all that.

This is a common occurrence in the LDS Church. Not a public event goes by but what some celebrity, politician, "VIP" or other "dignitary" is praised for their "good work"...sometimes for just showing up!

My wife had brought her non-Mormon mother and sister to see this play. They were "put off" by all the back-slapping and self-congratulation. I am likewise disgusted every year by all the same "self-praise" done during the stake's Christmas concert. It can be (and has been) an orgy of self-adulation, with roses and standing ovations, detracting (most ironically and offensively) from celebrating the birth of the Man of Holiness, who, with our lips, we pretend to worship above ourselves.

Why do (did) I belong to such an unChristian cult? Why do I keep bringing my family there?

One reason only: because the Book of Mormon is true. What other church will support that truth? What other church has a (at least sentimental) connection with Joseph Smith? What other church believes in the divine restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ?

I know of no church fit for my family on this earth. Not even this one.

So we went to Church on Sunday and to sacrament meeting. Jesus Christ was not mentioned once -- not a single time -- except as a closing remark ("I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen") at the end of every "talk" and, of course, He was referred to (briefly) during the sacramental prayers. Good for us! We "remembered" Him! Yea!

Then I went to Sunday School. Once again, Christ was not mentioned a single time...except as a referent during opening and closing prayers.

I did not go to priesthood. (I'm sure I "missed" something!) Instead I spent the entire time watching my infant daughter, Adel, and talking with a brother who attended my excommunication. When I saw him, I told him, flat out, stone-faced cold:

"I don't feel like coming to Church anymore."

He was genuinely worried about that. He didn't want to see me excommunicated and didn't know why it happened.

We talked about it. I asked him why I was excommunicated. I'll try to summarize what he said:

"I've sat in maybe 20 disciplinary hearings over the years. Yours was unusual. I have never seen one done like that before...." He struggled to describe how it was different. It was long. (Four hours. Late at night.) The stake president spent nearly two hours just laying out the "charges" -- which were never really  well defined. No one was even able to recite them fully...or write them down!

"You have a really good case for getting this overturned completely" he encouraged me.

"Why?"

"Well, when you were out of the room, the stake president did something I've never seen him do. He polled each member of the high council individually, asking each one what he thought. (Usually he just asks for comments generally. Some men have nothing to say and say nothing. But he asked each to give his opinion and they did.) That was unusual. And, from what I remember, not one of them indicated that they thought you should be excommunicated."

"Really."

"And it was all very confusing. That's normally not what happens."

"So what did I teach that was false?"

"You believe that Jesus must appear to you personally in order for you to be saved."

"I do?"

"Don't you?"

"I never said that. When did I ever say that?"

"Well, they thought you said that. You see! That's why you need to appeal! It wasn't very clear."

"But they excommunicated me anyway! Even though it "wasn't very clear"! How could they trivialize my family so? How could they trifle with the souls of men like that! Don't they see the harm they've done to me?"

"Oh, they see. They expressed their concern about the impact this would have on you and your family."

I didn't really try to hide my sarcasm or disgust. "What else did I teach that was wrong?"

"You believe that the Church is neglecting to teach other important doctrines."

"So? Is that 'false doctrine' now? To believe and teach that there is more 'important' stuff to learn?"

"You believe the Church might be going astray."

"And that gets you excommunicated?"

"Like I said, you need to appeal."

I asked if I could use him as a reference, even get a note to send with my appeal, and he (courageously) agreed. I also asked if he would help me get an interview right away with the stake president -- who hasn't spoken with me or my family since my excommunication.

Except for one brother (and son) -- who visited our house as "pseudo" home teachers two Sundays ago -- no one in my ward has visited or contacted me...even though many know.

Saturday night as the presiding high priest and his wife greeted others, congratulating them, they walked right past my wife without saying a word to her.

So, perhaps, you now understand my comment: "I don't want to come to Church anymore."

I roped one more high priest from the hall into a classroom after Church yesterday and asked him point-blank: "Can you tell me in one or two sentences why I was excommunicated?" 

"Sure", he said. He was there. He ought to know.

His answer was a little longer than one or two sentences, but I'll try to capture his "drift":

"I believe the Church is a divine institution that can never do wrong. God has given us prophets to lead us and He has promised us they will never lead us astray. Before any leader would do so, God would remove him, we've been told, so we can never be deceived if we just follow the Brethren. You don't believe that. You think the Church can and will go astray. That is false doctrine."

I had to admire his simple faith, but I rejected his foolish logic.

"Where is it written that the leaders of the Church can never lead us astray?"

"It's been prophesied."

"When? By which prophet? Who?" I asked.

"I...I...don't really know."

"Then why do you believe it? Where is it written in scripture that the leaders of the Church cannot fall or fail, that they cannot lead us astray?"

"I'm not sure."

"So the prophets have said 'We can never lead you astray' and you believe that because...because they said so? You don't see a problem with that?"

This wasn't even circular reasoning! It was just a point in space. A naked assertion! 

"Uh, how about '...whether by mine own voice of the voice of my servants, it is the same.'?" he said. "The scriptures say our leaders' words are the words of God."

"Not everything they say, surely! They make mistakes!"

"How would you know which is inspired and which isn't?" he asked

"No scripture is of private interpretation", I said. "You'll know by the witness of the Holy Ghost". (I was referring to 2 Peter 1:20-21.)

"But what if my Holy Ghost is telling me something different than your Holy Ghost is telling you?" he asked.

That does present a problem. Getting the Holy Ghost is essential to receiving revelation. That's why Nephi stressed it so much. (See 2 Nephi 31-32.) We weren't going to see eye-to-eye on that (yet), so I changed tactics. I'd go back to basic principles.

"You don't know which of the prophets said it, and it isn't in our scriptures, but  you still believe it: that the Church can't lead us astray."

"Yes." 

Like I said, I admired his faith.

"Then why didn't God love all those other dispensations that failed in the past? Why didn't He just raise up leaders who would never lead those people astray? Didn't He love them, too, just as much as He loves us? Why did their churches fail and ours can't?"

"Because it has been prophesied that this dispensation cannot fail. It's the last dispensation."

That was another twisted "myth" of Mormonism, interpreting the "last" to mean the last (rather than the latest). But I wasn't going to win that point either.

"So you believe we cannot be lead astray by a prophet because a prophet said so?"

"Yes. I follow the Brethren. I believe in them. I trust them. Even to build a mall to make downtown Salt Lake City look attractive. You don't trust them. That's why you were excommunicated."

At least he answered my question.

I see in this man all the qualities of an LDS leader! He even has his priorities straight!

I realized how utterly hopeless it was to argue with him. He was a "Brethrenite". A follower of the Brethren. A follower of men. He perfectly trusted in the power of the Church -- in the power of men -- to "carry" him and his family "home" to God. All he had to do was obey them. To him, their words -- whatever they are, so long as they do not "offend" his "Holy Ghost" sensibilities -- are equivalent to the words of God Himself. He doesn't even need the Holy Ghost! The Brethren will never lead him astray.

The Lord has a special place in the telestial kingdom for those who believe such things. (DC 76:98-101.) I hope this brother "wakes up" before it's too late! Satan thus binds souls with supple cords and carefully leads the followers of prophets to hell. 

Let us Read 2 Nephi 28 together. It's long, but worth the effort:

3 For it shall come to pass in that day that the churches which are built up, and not unto the Lord, when the one shall say unto the other: Behold, I, I am the Lord’s; and the others shall say: I, I am the Lord’s; and thus shall every one say that hath built up churches, and not unto the Lord—

According to Nephi, a church "built up, and not unto the Lord" will say they alone have salvation, authority, etc. What does the LDS Church claim again? That they are "the only true and living church on the face of the whole earth"? (Doctrine and Covenants 1:30.) 

However, not even Jesus claimed this prerogative on behalf of His disciples:

Luke 9:50:
49 And John answered and said, Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name; and we forbad him, because he followeth not with us.
50 And Jesus said unto him, Forbid him not: for he that is not against us is for us.

A church claiming authoritative "exclusivity" is a potential bastion of false prophets. (False prophets hate competition!)

4 And they shall contend one with another; and their priests shall contend one with another, and they shall teach with their learning, and deny the Holy Ghost, which giveth utterance.

I have been ordained to the priesthood. Yet other "priests" in our stake debate with me over points of doctrine, telling me by their learning that I teach "false doctrine"; yet they admit that they have never received the baptism of fire and the Holy Ghost, "which giveth utterance", by which one may "speak with the tongue of angels". They "deny the Holy Ghost".

Truly Nephi saw our day (and Church).

5 And they deny the power of God, the Holy One of Israel; and they say unto the people: Hearken unto us, and hear ye our precept; for behold there is no God today, for the Lord and the Redeemer hath done his work, and he hath given his power unto men;

This amazing scripture summarizes so perfectly the arguments and effects of what I am saying. They deny the power of God! "God no longer does His work! Hear ye our precept from the pulpit and from Temple Square! We bear witness of Him, the Redeemer, and proclaim that He has done His work! But now He has given His power unto us."

6 Behold, hearken ye unto my precept; if they shall say there is a miracle wrought by the hand of the Lord, believe it not; for this day he is not a God of miracles; he hath done his work.

If "they", meaning someone like me, shall say they have done a miracle or have seen God, they, meaning those among the unbelieving, shall say: "We don't believe you. Joseph Smith" they say, "did all that stuff before. But it's done now. It's over. Now we are just 'waiting faithfully' for the Lord to return. We have had 'miracles' enough to prove our faith. We shall not tempt God by asking for more."

Latter-day Saints don't deny miracles. They just don't believe in them anymore. They don't believe miracles can, or should, happen to them. Miracles were for those other guys, in olden days. Now we rely upon the power of men.

7 Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us.

There are others who are worldly, who deny God altogether, and have no fear.

8 And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God.

And there shall be those who "believe" in God, but are worldly, nonetheless, who deceive themselves into thinking perfect repentance is unnecessary. Perhaps being "saved by grace" also negates repentance for them.

9 Yea, and there shall be many which shall teach after this manner, false and vain and foolish doctrines, and shall be puffed up in their hearts, and shall seek deep to hide their counsels from the Lord; and their works shall be in the dark.

These people are proud. They do many things in secret. (That's especially true of the wicked, those who, like me, in days past, were "trapped" in sinful habits.) They seek to "hide their counsels" -- what they tell themselves and what they allow themselves and others to think and do -- and they do their works "in the dark". Lots of wickedness happens in the dark.

10 And the blood of the saints shall cry from the ground against them.

"Which of the prophets have not your fathers persecuted?" (Acts 7:52.)

11 Yea, they have all gone out of the way; they have become corrupted. 

Who? Surely not all the churches! No, it says "all". Including the Latter-day Saints, apparently.

Why?

12 Because of pride, and because of false teachers, and false doctrine, their churches have become corrupted, and their churches are lifted up; because of pride they are puffed up.

They say "We are the Lord's Only True Church On The Face Of The Earth! We will never fail or go astray! We cannot be corrupted!"

13 They rob the poor because of their fine sanctuaries; they rob the poor because of their fine clothing; and they persecute the meek and the poor in heart, because in their pride they are puffed up.

There are women in my ward who own 200 pairs of shoes. The clothes in their closets cost more than my cars! Churches who "rob the poor" also build multi-billion dollar shopping malls, so they can shop at Tiffany's. More than all the money they spend on the poor -- many times more! -- they spend on themselves! Tithing money! (Or at least the proceeds of interest from tithing money. Does not that belong to the Lord, too?) They wear the finest of clothes. (I've seen men sit on the stand in Church, week after week, wearing tuxedoes!) They even make the poorest among them do without to build their "fine sanctuaries", to pay for chapels and temples, and then they cast out of those same sanctuaries the meek and poor of heart who call them on it!

14 They wear stiff necks and high heads; yea, and because of pride, and wickedness, and abominations, and whoredoms, they have all gone astray, save it be a few, who are the humble followers of Christ; nevertheless, they are led, that in many instances they do err because they are taught by the precepts of men.

There's that "all" word again! The "whoredoms" spoken of here refer not to sexual sin (though there is certainly much of that!), but following after "false gods", failing to worship the Lord Jesus Christ, failing to put Him above all else. Even those who are not inclined to idolatry still err, being lead by those who know no better.

15 O the wise, and the learned, and the rich, that are puffed up in the pride of their hearts, and all those who preach false doctrines, and all those who commit whoredoms and pervert the right way of the Lord, wo, wo, wo be unto them, saith the Lord God Almighty, for they shall be thrust down to hell!

16 Wo unto them that turn aside the just for a thing of naught and revile against that which is good, and say that it is of no worth! For the day shall come that the Lord God will speedily visit the inhabitants of the earth; and in that day that they are fully ripe in iniquity they shall perish.

Have you even read the arguments they used against me? How trivial! Did I teach anything that was not good? Did I not teach that we should receive the Holy Ghost and come unto Christ? And yet they reviled against that, saying it was "unnecessary"! Of no worth!

17 But behold, if the inhabitants of the earth shall repent of their wickedness and abominations they shall not be destroyed, saith the Lord of Hosts.
18 But behold, that great and abominable church, the whore of all the earth, must tumble to the earth, and great must be the fall thereof.

This great "collective" of churches and "non"-churches -- all who refuse to repent and come unto Christ -- shall share this fate.

19 For the kingdom of the devil must shake, and they which belong to it must needs be stirred up unto repentance, or the devil will grasp them with his everlasting chains, and they be stirred up to anger, and perish;

No matter what, it is imperative that we do not get mad! For contention is of the devil. (3 Nephi 11:29.)

20 For behold, at that day shall he rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good.

The Latter-day Saints are just beginning this process. The world is already well on its way. So what of the Latter-day Saints now? Where are they today?

21 And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.

Only Latter-day Saints talk of "Zion". Only Latter-day Saints sing "All is well! All is well!" They think that some "organization" can carry them "home" to God. There is no need to come, individually, to Christ, they say. "The Redeemer, He hath done His work and has given His power unto men! Come receive our ordinances and be saved", they announce. One must simply receive the ordinances and do "good works" and he shall in no wise lose his reward. 

Thus the devil "cheateth" their souls. It is a very clever trick. For they never come unto Christ.

22 And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none —and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance. 

Again, Nephi sees the fate of those who reject religion and morality altogether.

23 Yea, they are grasped with death, and hell; and death, and hell, and the devil, and all that have been seized therewith must stand before the throne of God, and be judged according to their works, from whence they must go into the place prepared for them, even a lake of fire and brimstone, which is endless torment.

But let's return to the "faithful" Latter-day Saints, to those who speak of Zion.

24 Therefore, wo be unto him that is at ease in Zion! 

25 Wo be unto him that crieth: All is well! 

26 Yea, wo be unto him that hearkeneth unto the precepts of men, and denieth the power of God, and the gift of the Holy Ghost! 

27 Yea, wo be unto him that saith: We have received, and we need no more! 

28 And in fine, wo unto all those who tremble, and are angry because of the truth of God! For behold, he that is built upon the rock receiveth it with gladness; and he that is built upon a sandy foundation trembleth lest he shall fall. 

29 Wo be unto him that shall say: We have received the word of God, and we need no more of the word of God, for we have enough!

These verses so clearly define the Latter-day Saints today, they require no further interpretation.

30 For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.

There are those who will interpose themselves between God and man, who claim to speak on His behalf. But Nephi warned, in chapters to follow (2 Nephi 31-32) that one must receive the Holy Ghost! And get the word of God directly from God, for himself!

31 Cursed is he that putteth his trust in man, or maketh flesh his arm, or shall hearken unto the precepts of men, save their precepts shall be given by the power of the Holy Ghost.

Latter-day Saints, by and large, deny (or ignore) the baptism of fire and the Holy Ghost. They "reject" His power. They have "dwindled" in unbelief. He has become merely a "burning bosom" that "waters" their (canned) "testimonies" once each month (if that).

32 Wo be unto the Gentiles, saith the Lord God of Hosts! For notwithstanding I shall lengthen out mine arm unto them from day to day, they will deny me; nevertheless, I will be merciful unto them, saith the Lord God, if they will repent and come unto me; for mine arm is lengthened out all the day long, saith the Lord God of Hosts."

We (Latter-day Saints) are "the Gentiles". Our (Latter-day Saint) church is the "Gentile" church spoken of. (DC 109:60.) These prophesies of Nephi pertain not to "others" who will never read these words, but they pertain unto us, the ones to whom His words were intended to be given.

This is our destiny.

*****

I was going to take down my blog preemptively, as a gesture of good faith, while making my appeal. I was going to "drop my guard" and "fold my hand" and petition The Powers That Be for "redress of grievances".

But I can't do that now. For one, I no longer "support and sustain" the leaders of the Church. (Some of them -- maybe even all of them at the highest levels -- are followers of men.) That's why I was excommunicated. The men at the bottom...they don't even know why they excommunicated me. They can't even articulate the reasons. They just do what they're told to do. And they were told what to do.

Those who follow the Holy Ghost, not the teachings of men, would not have excommunicated me.

I'm going to leave my blog "up". If I'm wrong, let those in charge show me where I am mistaken. I will change it. I will edit in BOLD BLOCK LETTERS each and every "false doctrine" I have taught. I will denounce it and retract it. And I will leave it up that all may know and learn that I am meek and lowly in heart. I will insure that "the bandage must be as big as the wound". 

Now let the Brethren do their part and show me the error of my ways, or otherwise exonerate me.

I am going to write my appeal. If they restore me to full fellowship immediately, my faith in them will be restored in full. If they correct me, using scripture and the Holy Ghost, I will stand corrected. (They must show me why I'm wrong, not just say "You have spoken evil against the Lord's anointed.") Jesus said He would forgive all manner of sin and blasphemy, even against Himself. (Matthew 12:31.) If Jesus could take the heat, so can the Brethren.

I can forgive (and live with) all that has transpired in the past, good and bad, for I have charity, both for myself and for all others. I do not believe the Church is irreparably "broken". I do not reject the Latter-day Saints. I love them. And I am willing to stick with them, for good and bad. I would die for them.

I will leave it to the leaders of the Church to determine if I am "irredeemable and "expendable", or not. The Lord has shown me that I am not. So if these Brethren condemn me, I will know who they are by what they do. I will let them prove themselves.

God bless them.