Gratitude and regrets

This little blurb is intended to express my regret for unkind remarks, contentious dialogue, hurt feelings, jarrings and strife I've caused -- which is virtually all my fault...since "it takes two to tango" and most of the foregoing would not have happened had I followed my Master's voice. (I don't do "meek and lowly" well yet, do I?) A fight requires punching back; otherwise, it's just a beating. And the Lord has commanded us to "take it", i.e., to "turn the other cheek". (Matthew 5:39.) I don't fight back physically, but I do engage readily in verbal jousting! I guess it's a "pride" thing. My bad.

When we resist evil with evil, we become evil. Jesus knew that.

In that respect, "living the gospel" is still difficult for me.

In fact, this counsel seems perfectly suited to my situation:

DC 124:116:
116 And let him repent of all his folly, and clothe himself with charity; and cease to do evil, and lay aside all his hard speeches;

*****

Last night, as I finished reading Denver Snuffer's talk on Zion, I was convicted in my heart by the Holy Ghost. I knew I had a long way yet to go. In fact, I have barely begun.

It's kind of "exciting" (and frightening!) for a (former) life-long Mormon to realize there is almost everything yet to do. Most Latter-day Saints (in their latter years) think they've "done it all": baptism, priesthood, mission, marriage, service. These are the works of "righteous men". They receive a righteous man's reward. (See Matthew 10:41.)

Then a guy like Denver Snuffer or Joseph Smith comes along (Snuffer wouldn't appreciate that comparison) and you realize you've barely "begun". What should we be doing? The same things Joseph Smith did! In fact, Jesus said "He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father." (John 14:12.)

Are we doing the works of Jesus?

Living the gospel truly is "easy" -- if you do it. 

I remember once standing in the rain during a ward camp-out, taking in with a friend how miserable the conditions were. "Then why are you smiling?" he asked.

That's the effect of the gospel. The joy and happiness, confidence and strength, love and peace that comes from doing right overwhelms all opposition. But you have to do it.

Do what exactly?

Pray for charity. (See Moroni 7:46-48.) With all the energy of your soul. (See 1 Nephi 1:5.) Pray for forgiveness and repent. (See Alma 22:18.) Until you receive a remission of your sins. (See Enos 1:2-5.) Seek Zion. (See 1 Nephi 13:37.) And the face of God. (See 1 Chronicles 16:11.) Obey everything spoken in the Sermon on the Mount and at Bountiful (see 3 Nephi 12-14) and do everything He tells you in your mind and heart by the power of the Holy Ghost (2 Nephi 32:5-6; DC 8:2). Have faith in Christ. (See Mosiah 5:7.)

This is the beginning. 

This is my "road map". I have no "church" to lead me any more. Like Lehi, I am "alone" with my family "in the wilderness". I need to "find my way" now, trusting only in God.

*****

I apologize for my many mistakes and freely forgive all who have trespassed against me by any manner or means. I bear no grudge and deeply regret having caused harm or discomfort to anyone. 

I particularly want to thank all the Latter-day Saints with whom I have been privileged over the years to worship, serve and play. 

I recently found a rock sitting at my front door. A small brown stone, a little larger than a quarter; nothing unusual, really, except it is a slightly prolate spheroid. That is an oddity of nature. Natural rocks are rarely near-perfect spheres.

I found it to be symbolic of the influence that Lattter-day Saints have had on me: rounding off my sharper edges, making me more well-rounded. (Though I am yet utterly imperfect and still offensive, sorry!) I owe much to so many. I am a better man than I was two years ago...and a much better man than I was 20 years ago...largely because of the patience, long-suffering, and good will of so many Latter-day Saints who have suffered me as their own peculiar cross to bear.

To them I express my deep thanks and sincerest apologies. May God bless you for your many kindnesses shown to me and my family.