Finding Everything

A true friend asked me yesterday: "What is wanted? What do you want? What are you looking for? What are you finding?" This is my answer:

I am finding peace.

I want to be more serviceable to my wife and children; to not raise my voice in anger; to be kind and light-hearted.

I want to do right by the two tenants (angels?) living in my house who tempt me at every turn to turn them out (for not paying rent, etc.). If ever two angels were to come, disguised as fools and vagabonds, these two would be them! But what few opportunities do I have to give to those who ask? Or to not turn out my brother that he perish not? These two would be living on the street otherwise. I feel compassion for them.

I want to know God as my Father and Brother and Friend, face to face; to do His will above all else; to hear Him and see Him and touch Him. I am crying unto Him daily for that purpose...and I have faith that, according to His timetable (and my preparedness), He will answer me. I prayed ten thousand prayers (no joke!) to receive the wife and children that I now have. (And, obviously, He answered me!) Perhaps He (I) will require ten thousand more to receive Him.

I am tempted with popularity, fame, and the ego strokes of rubbing "success" in the faces of those who despised and rejected me. But this is a fool's game -- Satan's domain -- for God does not honor such. (That is why I confess my sins openly, to keep me humble.)

Fortunately, I am not blessed with the gifts and talents that might bring me such "rewards". I am able to quell my pride with the knowledge that I have not yet received my heart's desire: an audience with the Savior in the flesh; to have the heavens opened to me as they were to Isaiah and Nephi, Alma and Mahonri; to be a priest, patriarch and prophet to my family; to have power in the priesthood, by faith in Jesus, to work miracles, to do His will, and to be of service of others. Lacking that, of what do I have to boast? I am but a worm. Even if I were to have what I want, what would I be then? Nothing. I remember my captivity and my sins and know that, only in Christ, by His grace and power, I am (or will be) saved. Of myself I am nothing.

Christ comes in consolation, to be of comfort to those who are otherwise comfortless. He is the Second Comforter.

He comes in the dark of night (and early morning) when He finds you there, bending down, searching, seeking for His body, with tears streaming down your cheeks.

He comes when you are gathered together with fellow believers in worshipful song and prayer to Him.

He comes when you are about His business.

He comes when you are in chains, in prison, held in derision and scorned, mocked, persecuted, maligned, misjudged and cast out, even by your friends.

He is the "consolation prize" when you have given up or have lost everything you have and are because of Him. Only when you're willing to lose everything are you ready to receive Everything.

It wasn't until Mary thought she lost her soul that she found her Life.

So I must -- for now -- be content with what I started with: the desire to be more serviceable to my wife and children; to not raise my voice in anger; to be kind and light-hearted.

For there is a way to Everything. And it begins with the first step.